Learning to Fly
by theonlykyla
Summary: Eighteen year old Bella leaves Forks and Edward behind. She's not sure of who she is or what she wants. Bella knows that Edward is the love of her life but what does she know about life at her age? She sets off on a journey to figure it all out...
1. Chapter 1: I Really Left Him

**Learning to Fly Ch 1: I Really Left Him**

**A/n: This is a little drabble that attacked my brain...I had to write it, let's see where it goes...Bnjwl, you festered it...THANK YOU! Twifey - I love ya hard.**

**BPOV**

Here I stand on the side of the road, backpack over my shoulder, duffle bag in my hand...it's wet, it's dreary and I'm holding back my tears.

I left him.

I can't believe I left him standing there. I can't believe I walked away.

But if I stayed with him, I can't experience life. I know how much I love him.

I need to do this to figure out who I am. I need to see where I want to go in life.

I miss him.

I miss him so much already and it's only been twelve hours.

I'm holding back the tears.

I cross the road and get in line for a bus ticket. The people drone on around me but all I hear is his voice in my head, "I love you enough to set you free, but please, come back to me."

I want to turn around and flee to him. Beg him to forgive me for breaking his heart, for changing our plans, for needing to be free.

But I can't turn back. I have to move forward.

I have to learn how to fly, on my own.

It's my turn at the window as the clerk asks, "Where to, honey?"

I halt my brain for a minute, trying to process what she just asked me. I want to say, "Back to him," but my mouth says, "Chicago," instead.

I board the bus fifteen minutes later, my fingers itching to turn my cell phone on and call him to tell him where I'm going.

But I can't. I'll call him when I get there. I need to wean myself from him.

I put my earbuds in, turn on my Ipod only to hear "Come Home" by OneRepublic blaring at me. He did that. He set that up.

Which is exactly why I had to go.


	2. Chapter 2: Chin Up Young Person

**Chapter 2 Chin Up Young Person**

After being on that blasted bus for almost ten hours, I was never more happy to see Spokane, Washington as I am right at this minute.

We pulled into the bus station a little after four in the afternoon and I was ready to get off and stretch my legs. There was a sign for Dick's Hamburgers a few blocks away. I needed to eat and the walk would help the stiffness I was feeling all over my body.

I loaded my backpack and my duffle bag into a key secured locker, put my coins in, released the key and shut the door. At that moment it felt like a vice grip was squeezing in on my lungs, my whole world was confined within that metal, secured with only a small key.

I reached into my pocket and pulled the shiny silver chain with the tiny key on it, holding it tight in my grip, willing the tears not to fall. He gave this to me two days ago, when he asked me to promise to marry him.

I gingerly opened my palm, using my index finger from my other hand to move it around so the tiny diamond's sparkled in the sunlight. It was the key to his heart.

I wiped a tear from my cheek, slid the necklace back in my pocket and took off walking to the restaurant.

I started noticing my surroundings. It didn't appear to be the safest of neighborhoods, but I had my mace and I knew self-defense. Charlie made sure of it.

The restaurant was a greasy spoon, which only reminded me of the diner back home. My heart was seizing up on me and the self-doubt was creeping in. "Next," I heard called as I moved up a spot in line.

"On your way to college?" A raspy voice spoke behind my head. I turned and was met with the face of an elderly man, his eyes a fading blue, his hair a softened silver.

"Um, sorta." I answered, seeing a kind smile shine through his aged eyes, they looked like they carried a lifetime of memories.

"Let me guess, you are off on an adventure to explore the world." His smile rose slowly and I'd almost bet he had the cutest dimples behind that sagging skin.

"Yes, sir." I responded, smiling a genuine smile back to him.

"Next," the greasy haired kid called to me, as I moved to the register to order. I paid for my order of a cheeseburger, fries and a vanilla shake and moved to the other counter, watching the old man do the same.

"Would you like to sit with me," I asked him as he moved to stand beside me once again.

"That would be lovely dear. My name is Uncle Bill, that's what all the kids call me, anyways." His stuck his hand out to me as I reacted the same and shook his in return.

"I'm Bella."

"Isabella. Your name definitely suits you well, beautiful child." He released my hand and turned back away from me. "You remind me of my Naomi. She was young and beautiful, just like you."

"Orders twelve and thirteen." The counter guy bellowed.

"That's ours," I told him, "Why don't you go find us a table and I'll grab our food."

He was already heading into the dining area searching out a seat before I grabbed both trays, stopped for utensils and napkins and made my way to the corner booth that he had snagged.

We both settled into our food with idle chit chat about where we started our trip and where we were both going. He was from Kingston Ferry and he was on his way Billings, Montana to visit his nephew for a while.

"How long were you married, Uncle Bill, if you don't mind me asking?" I said trepidaciously.

He set his utensils down, wiped his mouth with his napkin before he looked up with clear blue eyes, "I had sixty four years with my precious Naomi. Would have made it sixty five if I hadn't acted stupid and left her for a year. But I found my way back to her, because she was my home."

I sucked in a breath at what he'd just said. He couldn't have known. Could he?

"Isabella, are you on your journey away from him?" He said while he reached his hand across the table to grasp my fingers.

I nodded my head profusely, trying in vain to hold back the tears.

"Then child, make the most of this journey, don't waste the time apart. So that when you return to him, your heart is settled in his as home."

I wiped the tears from my cheeks before speaking, "He already is my home. I just needed to find a different path to his front door."

"Chin up young person. But eat up or we'll miss the bus." Uncle Bill chuckled at me while he finished his burger.

Uncle Bill was right. I knew that he was my home. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it on...


	3. Chapter 3  Appreciating Memories

**Chapter 3 Appreciating Memories**

**A/n: There will be a few updates today…..but tomorrow I will be on the road to Dallas with ButterflyBetty, Lvntwilight09 and Sandra….as we're going to stalk Jackson and see him in concert…..it'll be Sunday night before I post again after the few today…**

**I dedicate this to Bnjwl…..I don't think she'll ever truly realize what she means to me;) Love ya, bb!**

My phone was dead. Crap. I didn't even think about how I was going to get it charged.

So I did the next best thing and pulled my Ipod out, and sent a message to Alice on facebook. I had a plan and I knew that she would be more than willing to help.

That is if she's forgiven me for leaving.

_"I don't understand why you are doing this Bella. You are the most grounded person that I know, you know what you like and don't like...and you definitely know who you love." Alice's bright blue eyes pierced were overflowing with tears. _

_"Oh Alice, I know right now you don't understand, but it's something that I have to do for myself. I'm coming back. I just need to figure a few things out first." _

_"But you are my sister in everyway but blood, now I'll be stuck here with nothing but the boys and Rosalie." Alice whined as I giggled and pulled her into a big hug. _

_"I won't be gone forever, Alice." _

I know she didn't get it, but that's ok. This wasn't about her, it was about me.

"Have you talked to your young man since you left?" Uncle Bill asks as we walk back to the bus station.

"No, I was going to send him a text but my phone is dead." I answered.

"The world of technology has truly killed the subtle nuisances of romantic gestures," he chuckled as we sat on a bench, outside the bus stop, waiting to get on board again.

"My Edward is very old-fashioned. He would often bring me flowers, or write me little notes, a perfect gentleman." I sighed as I thought back to all that Edward had done to show me his love and adoration.

"He sounds like a good man to me. So why do you feel the need to leave him behind?" Uncle Bill questioned.

I closed my eyes and prepare to answer him before he pats my hand and said, "I completely understand. I felt the same way when I had to leave my Naomi."

I leaned over and laid my head against his shoulder. He was like the grandfather I never had but desperately always wanted. "Thank you, Uncle Bill."

"You are most welcome, sweet child." His voice was laced with kindness and understanding. I wanted to sit and talk to him more about his life with Naomi, but I didn't want to make him sad in remembering.

"Uncle Bill?" I was hesitant but I had questions that I thought that he might could answer for me.

"Yes, child, ask me what you want to know." He smiled against the top of my head as they announced that we could board.

I had so many things to ask him and we were going to be stuck on a bus for another twelve hours. I bet I could learn a lot in that time.

I smiled. This is exactly why I left.


	4. Chapter 4: Experience

**Chapter 4 Experience**

**To my best friend, Massiel, I wish I could swoop down, pick you up and bring you to Texas. I love you, bb! EARMUFFFFFFFFFS! LOL**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading this...it's just a simple little story that makes me happy. There's no real drama, no major angst...just a tale about a confused young lady trying to become a woman.**

**Missus Lube (ScarlettPlay) is an Uncle Bill of my life...she amazes me with her friendship, guidance and the wisdom she bestows upon me. I utterly adore her. There aren't enough words.**

We got settled into our seats, it was roughly five in the afternoon and Uncle Bill's stop in Billings was until six a.m.. We had some time to talk.

"Did you ever worry that you would feel suffocated by your love for Naomi?" I asked as I help him tuck in his small blanket.

"Well, Bella, I never felt suffocated BY my for Naomi, but felt wrapped up IN my love for her. Do you see the difference?" His eyes seemed to have a gentle sparkle as he spoke to me.

"Yes, I do. It's just that there are times where I feel like I'm drowning in these overwhelming emotions that I have in Edward. It makes it hard to even think, sometimes." I paused wanting to be truthful to not only Uncle Bill but to myself, as well. "It scares me how much our love consumes me."

Uncle Bill lifted his head and let out the most joyous of laughs before he turned to me, clasped my hand in his, "That's true love, child. If there were no fear of losing it, then what would be the joy in fighting to keep it."

I let his words sit in my mind for a few minutes, as I turned to look out the window watching the scenery fly by. The sun was going down on the only day within the past two years that I hadn't spoken a word to Edward. I've never gone this long without hearing his voice, reading his texts or receiving a note from him.

I missed his words.

I pulled the chain from my pocket and held it up in the window to watch the sun glitter off the tiny diamonds.

"The key to your young man's heart?" Uncle Bill asked, bringing me out of my revery.

"Yes, it's the reason that I left." I softly replied, suddenly feeling foolish and ashamed of my actions. A tear slipped down my cheek and I just let it roll its way down until it hit the collar of my shirt.

"I'm a selfish person. All he wanted was a promise. A simple promise of forever and I ran away, fearful of giving him what he wanted." I spoke as the tears unleashed with a force. I pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them and laid my head down between my knees while the tears soaked my jeans.

"There, child, you were not selfish in needing to figure things out for yourself. Do not regret your decision but make the most of it...do you want to accept his promise?" He inquired as he rubbed his hand soothingly across my shoulder.

I nodded, unable to speak, feeling like a small child being comforted by their parent.

"What was your greatest fear when you decided to leave?" Uncle Bill's voice had a knowing tone, as if he knew what I was going to say.

"That we were to young, foolish about being in love and that we'd grow to resent each other for being trapped in marriage. I watched my parents go through that. I'd rather never marry at all, than to have to face a divorce and being bitter about a love gone wrong." I lifted my head as I spoke, wiped the tears on the sleeve of my hoodie and looked at Uncle Bill to see him smiling at me.

"You left because you love him to much. You see, that's exactly what I had told my Naomi. That I had to leave to make sure that my heart could belong to her and her alone for the rest of our days. While the thought of loving another didn't settle well with me, the thought of her being the only love in my heart frightened me too. I set out to see what my heart could or would desire in others, only to find after a long hard year that my heart could never love anyone but her." He paused and wiped a tear from my cheek.

"You see child, I did try, one other time to love someone. I met a precious girl named Massiel, she was fun, loving and I truly did love her. But, something always held me back. She knew that my heart belonged to another. She told me that while she had a broken heart, it would bring her joy to see me with the one I truly loved. I left that night and returned to my Naomi. We were married two weeks later and after sixty-four years of marriage, she fell asleep and never woke up." He stopped speaking, closed his eyes and raised a hand to cover his chest where his heart still beat for her.

"Wow, Uncle Bill. That's a beautiful love story." My hand made his way to grasp his, hoping to comfort him in some way.

"I miss her every day. Still. She was my life. I've lived longer with her than without her and I truly miss the warmth that just her smile could bring me." He voiced laced with sorrow and adoration, a mixture of the grief and undying love.

"Don't wait too long, Isabella. Don't miss out on the memories that will rest in your mind in the long forgotten years when you reach my age. Soothe your soul, but find your way to him." He laid his head back against the cushion of the seat and closed his eyes to rest.

I sat and looked out the window, watching the sun set over the passing countryside. I smiled when I thought of Uncle Bill and Naomi and how full of love he still felt after all those years.

I hoped that Edward would still love me that way after I was old and grey. My heart ached for him but my faced smiled as I thought of him old and wrinkled like Uncle Bill.

And I couldn't wait to see it happen.


	5. Chapter 5 Something New

Chapter 5 Something New

I slept off and on through the night, but with the noise of people boarding and exiting the bus at the various stops, it was hard to feel rested.

Around four-thirty am I felt Uncle Bill stirring in his seat as I opened my eyes to find him writing something in a small notebook. "I'm giving you my address and phone number. When you get things settled, you give me a call and I'd like to arrange for you and that man of yours to come visit." He said, handing me the piece of paper.

"I would love nothing more." I replied as I sat up to stretch a little. "It's almost time for your stop, huh?" Sadness consumed me at the thought of him leaving. Uncle Bill had been of great comfort and wisdom to me on this leg of my journey, I would miss his company.

"Yes, child, it is." His hand clasped around mine, while he gave me a slight squeeze. "Be careful out there, Isabella. Not all strangers are as nice as me." His smile accompanied by a small chuckle, warmed my heart.

"Don't I know it." I giggled back at him. "Uncle Bill?" I hesitated to ask but I had to know.

"Yes, child." I laid my head on his shoulder to enjoy the safety and security he provided.

"Do you have any regrets? Anything you wished you'd done, things you did but wished you hadn't?" My curiosity got the better of me as my mind was in overdrive.

"No, Isabella, I don't. I lived my life the way I wanted to but I lived a long, healthy life, full of love, full of memories. I wouldn't change a thing except I wish my dear Naomi and I had moved into eternity, together." His voice aged as he spoke almost with reverence for the journey of his life, so far.

"Don't get stuck in that pretty little head of yours, Isabella. Enjoy life, don't over think it all." He kissed my hair as the driver announced his stop.

"I'll miss you," I said against his shoulder as I fought to hold back a few tears. "Thank you for sharing your stories with me, they really did help."

"Spread your wings, Isabella Swan, discover what's inside of you that the rest of us already see." He said as he stood, opened his arms which I flew into, holding on to him as tight as possible for the last few minutes I had with him.

"It's time for me to go, Isabella." He pulled back, placed a finger under my chin, wiped the tears from my cheek, "Finish what you started, but never forget your way home."

I nodded my head, unable to speak. Never having known my own grandparents, it felt like I was losing my own grandfather.

"I'll expect to hear from you soon." He said as he turned to leave the bus. He stopped one last time at the door, winked and stepped off the bus.

I sat back down, wiped my tears and cursed myself in my head that I had a phone with no charge. I really, really needed to hear Edward's voice.

As the bus sat idling while the leaving passenger's luggage was removed a new group of travelers boarded the bus, "Is this seat taken?"

I looked up to chocolate brown eyes, jet black hair and a wicked smile.

"Um, no." I managed to mumble.

"Great, thanks, I'm John."


	6. Chapter 6 Gratitude

**Chapter 6 Gratitude**

**A/n: Sorry for the delay in getting this story back on quick update posting schedule. I honestly have just been to tired lately to get it done.**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. If I was, I'd be at Disney World:)**

John sits down and pulls out his cell phone, typing a message to someone. It makes me cringe because I just want to talk to Edward so bad.

I'm sure my parents are fit to be tied that I haven't called them. I'll have to find somewhere to charge my phone at the next stop.

I can feel John looking at me as I stare out the window, watching Uncle Bill greet his family that was waiting for him. He turns around once and waves to me before walking off with them.

"So, what's your story?" John not so politely asks.

I contemplate for a minute if I even want to talk to him before I answered, "I don't have anything interesting to tell." I turn back in my seat, lay my head back on the rest and close my eyes, trying to convey that I don't feel like talking.

"Oh come on, everyone has a story. And from the looks of you, I'm sure it's a good one." He chuckled.

I took a deep breath, who does this bozo think he is making a comment like that to me. "I'm not sure what you mean by that exactly, but no, there is nothing overtly exciting to tell you. I'm on a road trip to meet my fiance, end of story."

"You look a little young to be engaged. Is he into jail bait?" He eyed me curiously.

"Look, I'm tired, I've been on this bus for almost twenty-four hours, could we not chit-chat?" I'd all but lost my patience with this guy.

He held his hands up in front of me, "Sorry, just trying to make conversation. I'm on my way to New York. Just thought it'd be cool to find out more about my traveling companion, that's all."

He popped his ear buds in, leaned his seat back and started bopping his head to some loud, screamy music I could hear from my seat.

I decided to write an email to Edward and hoped that I'd have enough signal left on my ipod to get it to him.

_My dearest Edward,_

_I miss you so much. I never realized how much that I took for granted what an amazing man you are. _

_I'm sorry for all the times I made you wait for me. I'm sorry for all the times I acted childish and wouldn't talk to you. But most of all, I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you when you explained to me how you saw our future. _

_While I don't regret this trip I'm on, I do regret handling things so hastily. _

_I can't wait to hear your voice again, baby. I miss your arms around me. I hope to see you soon._

_All my love, forever,_

_Bella_

"Who you writing too?" John asked as I turned to see him straining to see over my shoulder at what I was doing.

"Really, I don't think what I do is any of your business." I replied, placing my back to the window to prevent him from invading more of my space. I hit send and drew my knees up in the seat, then put my head down in the middle of them.

"If you miss him that much, why are you on this trip alone? I mean, I left my girl back home but you don't see me moping and brooding." I pulled my head up and took a long hard look at this guy.

His hair was shaved on the underneath but long and curly around the top, he had stubble on his chin and a ring in his lip. He had pretty brown eyes, that looked honest enough. But I couldn't get a good read on him.

"What do you want from me, John? I mean, you don't even know me. I'm sad. I'm trying to figure out my life on this trip by myself. There is nothing else you really need to know about me." I stated, feeling the tears start to form behind my eyelids.

"Oh on the contrary, I think that there is so much more to learn about you...by the way, what's your name?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Bella, my name is Bella."

"See, that right there is a story in and of itself. Your name means beauty but I'm gathering you don't see yourself that way at all."

Damn. Am I that predictable?

**A/n: I'm hoping for at least one more update tonight. Maybe 2 if you are lucky:)**

**This goes out to my dearest ButterflyBetty...I flove her so much. **


	7. Chapter 7: Perception

**Chapter 7 Perception**

**A/n: JSYK, the people that Bella meets along her journey are real people in my RL. This character, John, is based off a guy that I've had a crush on for over a year...although I've severely altered his personality.**

**Thanks for being patient w/ the slow updates the past few days.**

**Now...on w/ the show...**

"John, you don't know me. I don't know you. I wouldn't even begin to try to analyze who you are as a person." I said, almost defensively. I don't know why this guy was getting under my skin.

"Bella, you're right, I don't know you, but from what I can observe from your body language and facial expressions you are rather quite and reserved. You were your heart on your sleeve and you are obviously missing the hell out of someone." He stopped, pulled his bag up to his lap off the floor and pulled out a book.

"See this picture? Tell me what you think about this guy." He pointed to a picture of a group of guys, all dressed in goth gear, all covered in piercings, tattoo's with black lined eyes. The guy he was pointing to was a little chubby and appeared to be trying to hide behind the group.

I assumed John took the picture, as I don't recognize his face anywhere in the group.

"Um, he seems like he's trying to hide behind the rest of the group, maybe he doesn't want to be noticed." I answered as honestly as I could.

"That's me, Bella." He said as I shook my head, not recognizing his face with the boys face in the picture.

"Oh, wow, I didn't even recognize you. When was this taken?" My curiosity got the best of me.

"Four years ago and I've lost about 150 lbs since then. You see, I'd always been the chubby kid who could sing. But it wasn't until my band mates kicked me out of the band that I realized if I wanted to front a band, I had to make some changes. I've always been shy but I love to sing and perform." He paused while he shook his head furiously, he let out a small laugh, "I know, ironic, huh?"

"Definitely." I replied.

"You see, Bella, no one took the time to get to know what my problems were, they just wanted me for my voice. But when I couldn't meet their needs in the manner they wanted me to, they just dismissed me like I was nothing. I didn't want to be nothing anymore."

"So they took you back? You are singing with them now?" I wondered how he could just forgive them all so easily after they had hurt him.

"Those losers?" He asked, pointing to the group of guys in the picture. "Um, that would be a big, fat no, pun intended. Oh they ooh'd and awe'd over me after I lost the weight, but by then I'd met a new group of guys, formed a new band where I was respected, I was wanted and they got to know me as real friends."

"Huh." So he hadn't forgiven them.

"Bella, my point in showing you this is that I see you, hiding within yourself. Girl, you need to let your sun shine bright for the world. There is something special in you, I can see it."

I smiled. He reminded me of Edward just then. Edward always said that I had a gift that world needed to see but I was always to shy to give it to the world.

Maybe he was right.


	8. Chapter 8 Revelations

**Chapter 8 Revelations**

**A/n: Again, sorry for the delay...just been tired and RL zapping all I have from me atm.**

**Hoping for a few more updates tonight/tomorrow, if my internet connection will ever stay on;(**

**This goes out to my beloved, Bnjwl, the sweetest Southern Belle I know...*sighs* I just love ya girl!**

"So, what makes you happiest, Bella?" John asked inquisitively as he started to pull some fruit from his bag. He offered me an apple, which I gladly took.

"I love to write. It's where I feel completely free and confident." I easily replied before I took a bite of my shiny red apple.

"What have you written?" He asked as he peeled an orange.

"I have a few short stories that I wrote for various projects at school, but for the most part, I just write my life, my experiences. Edward is the only one I've allowed to read those, they are extremely personal." I explained as he shook his head at me.

"So what are you planning to do with this writing fetish that you have?" He turned in his seat to sit w/ his back against the rest so that our feet were almost touching, as I still sat up against the window.

"I was planning to go to school and major in either journalism or English Lit. I hadn't fully decided yet." I shrugged my shoulders because I truly hadn't decided.

"So do you want to be a journalist or an author?" John pushed.

"I'm not sure that I honestly want to be a journalist but I'm afraid of failure as an author. I thought it would be a nice career to fall back on and I'd still be able to write." I answered him honestly.

"Can I read anything you've written? Do you have it with you?" His eyes lit up and he seemed excited as I vehemently shook my head no.

"No, well I mean, yes, I have my notebook w/ me but no, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you read it." I hadn't let anyone but Edward read from that book. While he loved it, the thought of someone else seeing those words...it made me shiver with anxiety.

"Come on, Bella, I'm a songwriter...so I kinda understand. Just let me read a few pages. I promise not to judge you in anyway." He looked sincere but still, I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"I don't know, John. It makes me a little uncomfortable to put myself out there or be the center of attention." I could feel my blush coming on.

"What if I offered to let you use my phone?" He quirked an eyebrow and gave me a wicked smile.


	9. Chapter 9 Soothing

**Chapter 9 Soothing**

**A/n: Here's another one;)**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer...nor will I make a penny off of this little tale...however, IF I were SM, I would be attached to Rpatz's hip;)**

"You'd let me use your phone?" I tentatively asked.

"Yep, I sure would," he chirped as he cockily pulled it out of his hoodie pocket and started waving it around.

"Fine, but please, be kind. It actually kind of terrifies me to hear your thoughts after you've read it." I cringed inward almost nauseous as I pulled out my notebook. "I'll pick out the two pages you can read. Deal?" I stuck my hand out as my other hand gripped my notebook tightly to my chest.

"Deal." He started to almost bounce in his seat, instantly reminding me of Alice and the bundle of energy that she is.

I searched through the pages of the notebook to find a passage I'd written a poem in about the night Edward and I graduated from High School. We'd spent the night on the beach with a bunch of our friends.

As we were both still virgins, we stayed out in the cool night air, enjoying the moonlight and soothing roll of the sea, just talking about all of our hopes and dreams. Where we saw our lives going in the next few years as well as the next ten or twenty.

We knew we'd be together, even that far into the future.

I found it and scanned my eyes over it before slowly sliding the book through the air to his waiting hands, "Wait, give me the phone, first." I narrowed my eyes at him, as he shook with laughter.

"Darn, you caught me." He laughed as he handed me his phone and snatched the book from my hands.

I sat there for a few seconds as I collected my thoughts and shook as I dialed Edward's number.

After the third ring, he finally answered all breathy, "Hell...Hello? Bella, is that you?" His voice was sleepy but anxious as he hoped it was me.

"Yes, baby, it's me." We both sighed at hearing the others voice.

"I've been so worried, Love. Your phone is only going to voicemail. You haven't responded to my texts or emails. Are you okay?" Edward sounded so worried and tired.

"Yes, Edward. I'm okay. My phone died and I don't have anywhere on the bus to charge and we haven't really stopped anywhere long enough for me to charge it. Did you get my email?" I asked, willing the tears not to fall from my eyes. I didn't want him to hear me crying.

"Bella, your email...it meant so much. But baby, you don't have anything to apologize for. I love you, through the good, the bad and the in between. You are stuck with me for life, Love." He let out a small laugh.

"Are you sure you're okay, Bella? This is the longest we've ever gone without talking and I miss you so much." Edward's voice cracked and it hurt my heart to think that he might be crying over what I'd done.

"Edward, I miss you like crazy and this nice guy I'm traveling with loaned me his phone so I could call you. I can't wait to see you again. I have so much to tell you. So much I want to explain to you. When do you get to Chicago?" I had to stop for a breath, it was almost like I was afraid he was going to disappear.

"Some guy loaned you his phone? Has he hurt you? Is he safe?" I could hear the protective side of Edward rearing into full force.

"Calm down, Edward, please. He is a nice guy, do you want to talk to him?" I asked as John looked up and stared at me with big, bulging eyes.

"Yes, please." Edward sounded as if he were pacing.

"Okay, his name is John. Here he is." I handed the phone to John who was furiously shaking his head no at me before he reluctantly took the phone from my hand.

"Hello?" John said curiously.

There was a lot of 'yes's' and 'no's' and 'mmhmm's' before he finally said, "Dude, don't worry, I got your back. Yep, done. Consider it done." He let out a chuckle and relaxed a little before he said, "Sure thing, Edward, here's Bella, talk as long as you'd like. I'm reading her notebook."

Oh shit, I don't know how Edward's going to feel about that since no one else but him had read it and John is a virtual stranger.

"Edward?" I asked softly.

"Bella, you let him read your notebook?" His voice sounded wounded and full of pain.


	10. Chapter 10 Consention

**Chapter 10 Consention**

**A/n: Last one of the night...I'm actually going to try and get the rest of this story written tonight/tomorrow...and have it finished by the end of next week. That's my plan anyway. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my twifey, lvtwilight09. Not only is she one of my best friends in the whole wide world but she's my technical guru, my electrical guru, my personal assistant and my biggest cheerleader/fan. I love you Steph! SOOOO, SOOOO VERY MUCH! I can never tell you THANK YOU enough for ALL that you do for me!**

"Edward, calm down, babe. I made a deal with him to use his phone. When he found out I write, he wanted to read my work but you know me, I didn't want to let him. So he used his phone as leverage to let me read it. I'm only letting him read the two pages about Graduation night and the poem included." I sighed as I tried my best to explain.

"Bella..." his voice died off and I heard him sigh heavily. "I want people to read your work but to be honest I kind of liked that I was the only person privy to that specific notebook." I could hear the conflict in his voice.

I felt the tears pushing their way out of my eyes, I couldn't stop them. "I'm sorry, Edward. But I wanted to talk to you, I needed to hear your voice. I just missed you so much." I started sobbing, trying to be as quiet about it as possible.

"Oh baby, don't cry, please, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm not mad. I'm so fucking happy that you called me." Edward's voice wrapped around me as I closed my eyes and let the tears fall.

"I miss you." I whispered into the phone.

"Bella, I miss you more than you will ever know. But Love, you left for a good reason and you need to do what you set out to do. Yes, I miss you like crazy and can't wait to have you back in my arms again, however, you need to figure out what it is that made you want to leave. I'm not going anywhere, well, I am going to Chicago but in your life, I will always be here."

Edward and his words. I sighed and wiped my tears. "Edward, you always know what to say."

"Well, my dearest Bella, I just tell you the truth and hope you realize it when your brain finally slows down enough to absorb what I've said." He chuckled.

"Edward, I really am glad that I took this trip. I have learned a lot, I can't wait to tell you all about Uncle Bill and his story...and of course, John, too." I smiled remembering Uncle Bill and all he'd told me.

"Uncle Bill? Jeez, Bella, are you making friends with the whole bus?" He laughed out loud.

"Not hardly, baby. But the most colorful ones happen to have found me, it seems." I replied with my own laugh.

John closed my book and let out a heavy breath. He sat forward and put his elbows on his knees, placing his face in his hands.

"Listen Edward, I think I need to go. Can I call you once I get my phone charged?" I was curious to know what John had to say, even though I regretted having to get off the phone with Edward already.

"Sure Love, you need to stretch your wings without me holding onto them to keep you on the ground. Soar, my Love, fly high, but please, I beg, please come back to me." Edward's voice came through the phone with the calm and serenity that I needed to finish what I started.

"I love you, Edward." I whispered into the phone.

"Oh Bella, my heart isn't big enough to hold all the love it has for you, my heart is with you, always."

"Bye." I said, holding back a fresh round of tears.

"Bye, Love." He said softly just before I heard a click.

I took a deep breath and held the phone for a few seconds as I closed my eyes.

"Bella, we need to talk about what you wrote." John's shaky voice brought me instantly out of my revery.


	11. Chapter 11 Coming Undone

**Chapter 11 Coming Undone**

**A/n: JSYK, I'm aiming for 15 chapters...hopefully...we'll see how it all plays out.**

**I dedicate this chapter to all the authors in the fandom...I know how excruciating it was to post my first chapter from my first story...so I applaud you all for putting yourselves out there.**

I just sat there, stunned for a few minutes, as John collected himself. He finally sat up, let out a long breath and turned towards me, holding my notebook up in the air.

"Your writing is pure genius." He breathed out, a smile broke out across his face.

"Wha...What?" I stuttered in disbelief at what he'd just said.

"Bella, what you've written...there are no words to describe how it moved me. Touched me. I've got at least three songs running through my head to the words from your soul." John said with a twinkle in his eyes, smile on his lips and giddy little laugh coming from his throat.

"No, John...just no. Those are my private thoughts, my personal feelings." I pleaded with him.

"Bella, stuff this is good is what legacy hits are made out of. You have to let me use it. I'll give you the proper credit for it. I'll make sure that your name is on the final production. But there is no way you are getting off this bus without giving me permission to use those words in a song." He waved my notebook in the air again, cocked his head to the side and smiled at me.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "John, I can't. I just simply can't do that."

He didn't understand how personal what I'd written was to me. John had no clue what those words had meant to me and to Edward.

"Why not, Bella? This is your time to shine. This is what your contribution to the world is. Your words...well, people _need _to hear them. I _need _to sing them. They are meant to be heard." John's voice was full of determination to persuade me.

"John, those words, what I let you read...they mean the world to me. It was one of those magical moments that last a lifetime in your memories. I'm just not sure that is how I'm meant to make my mark on the world, making myself that vulnerable." I could feel the anxiety start to creep in and my lungs start to tighten.

"Okay, so we'll start with just the poem, then, alright? Let me write it out, sing a few bars to you so you can hear it for yourself." John demanded as he pulled his own notebook and pen from his backpack.

I watched, in fear, as he opened my notebook back up to the pages I'd let him read. He copied my poem and I felt myself shaking.

Dammit, Bella. Stop this. You want to be a writer. You will eventually have people reading your work. This is one of the those defining moments in life that you've been seeking, so suck it up.

"John?" I hesitantly said.

"Hold on, almost done." He hastily replied.

"John, please stop. Look at me. Please." I tried to sound stern but felt like I sounded scared.

"Bella...come on, just give me..." I cut him off before he could finish.

"Fine, John. Use the poem." I acquiesced.


	12. Chapter 12 Attention

Chapter 12 Attention

A/n: Sorry for the delay...I'm planning on writing the remaining 3 chapters tonight;)

Buckle up:)

"You mean it, Bella? Just like that, you'll let me use your poem?" John's eye were wide and surprised.

"Yes." I tried to smile and shake off the nauseous feeling that settled over me.

"Do you want to hear what I've written?" He asked excitedly.

I shook my head furiously before speaking, "No, write up a small letter of consent, I'll sign it. All I ask is that you use my full name only, Isabella, no last name. Okay?"

The bus driver suddenly announced that we were about to stop for an almost two hour layover. I knew I was about to change buses and lose another traveling companion. But, it almost meant that I could charge my phone and laptop, I hoped.

"John, can I use your phone to find google something?" I asked as he furiously wrote in his notebook. He slid me his phone without even looking up.

I located the nearest Starbucks, noticing that I'd have to take a cab to and from because it was to far to walk in a strange city.

"John, have you finished copying the poem? We're about to be split up, so we need to take care of our business." I tried not to sound sad.

"Oh, um, yeah, I'm done. Here, read over this and let me know if you agree."

He handed me a piece of paper that was a cut and dry consent to use my written words. I signed it and wrote down my full name, address, email, facebook, cell and twitter information. "Here, so we can keep in touch." I handed it all back to him.

He turned and asked the guy across the aisle to sign it as a witness. "So, when I get to New York, I'll make a copy and email it to you as well as mail you the hard copy, okay? The guys are going to shit a brick when they see what I've written. This could very well be our number one hit, Bella!" He was so enthusiastic, it was hard not to share in his exuberance.

"I hope so, John." I agreed. He handed me a piece of paper with all his info on it, too.

"I need a picture of the two of us. You've been such an inspiration to me, Bella, I need to record this moment on film." He said while he dug his camera out of his backpack.

I cringed a little, I had been on this bus for over a day and can't even begin to imagine what a train wreck my hair looked like. "Okay, John." I said, know he wouldn't give up if I said no.

He held the camera up above us and we smooshed together as he snapped a few frames.

"I'm going to upload them to my facebook if you want to text E and tell him to look out for them." He smiled and handed me his phone.

_Edward, John is uploading a pic of us from the bus onto his facebook acct, search for John Jenkins in a few minutes. I'm about to get off the bus and head to a starbucks, I'll text you when I get my phone plugged in. Love yo. Bella_

"Bella, you do realize this is going to make you a star?" John questioned me as I started gathering my belongings.

"What?" I choked out. "No, John, just no. I do not like being the center of attention. I don't want to be recognized or anything. Seriously, please don't."

John just laughed at me. "Sure, Bella, sure. I'll see what I can do to keep the hundreds of thousands of fans away." He winked at me and sighed, "you really are one of a kind, you know that right?"

I felt myself tearing up, I had enjoyed getting to know this pushy guy, "So are you." I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He gasped and clutched his heart, "I've been kissed by the famous poem-writing Isabella! I'll never wash this cheek again." He joked and I smacked him across the chest.

"Seriously, Bella, you have a gift. Please don't hide behind your shyness or insecurities. Spread your beautiful words out into the world. Hell, I might look you up when we start recording our first CD and get your input."

"I'll try, John. I really will." I smiled and it felt genuine.

"Good Luck with everything. I know that you and Edward will be happy to be back together." John said, his eyes full of truth and sincerity.

"I think so, too." I whispered.

The bus pulled into the station and everyone started piling out the door. John smoked a cigarette while we waited for our bags.

"Best road trip I've ever had, thanks to you." He said as he kicked at my shoe.

"Me, too, I think." I pulled my shades down over my eyes to keep him from seeing my tears that filled my eyes.

I grabbed my bag when I saw it being unloaded. "Well, I guess this is it."

"Yep, I guess so. Friend me on facebook when you get your laptop up and running. I'll call ya when I get to New York, too." He said sadly.

"Will do." I managed to squeek out as he pulled me into a tight bear hug.

"Take care of yourself on this journey. Edward would kick my ass if something happened to you." He pulled back and smiled before he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"Bye, John." I said as I turned to go get a cab.

"Bye Beautiful Bella." He winked and walked away in the opposite direction.

I hoped that he succeeded in getting his number one song, even if it put the spotlight on me, I thought as I got into the cab.

Maybe I need a little light in my life.


	13. Chapter 13 Making Decisions

**Chapter 13 Making Decisions**

**A/n: sooo her journey is coming to an end...let's see what she's got up her sleeve**

I got out of the cab and was never so glad to see a Starbucks in all of my life. I made my way inside, ordered my usual Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato with no whipped cream and settled in at a small table in the back corner.

I got my laptop, ipod and cell phone chargers all plugged in and turned on my phone. It instantly started to light up with thirty-two text messages and who knows how many voicemails.

I called my parents first, neither of them were happy with me but eventually calmed down enough to know that I was safe and sound. I told them my plans and they agreed to ship my boxes out in the next few days.

Next I called Alice.

"Bella, it's about fucking time you called me. You are also very lucky we're at a layover and that I'm alone. Now, where the fuck are you?"

"I'm at a Starbucks, charging everything up. Did you manage to get everything straightened out at the school?" I asked full of hope.

"Yes, I sure did and you will owe me." I could see her pout through the phone.

"Alice, I promise all the makeovers you can come up with for the next year." I chuckled at her, knowing that would appease her for now.

"Gotta go, Barbie. Your Ken is approaching." Then the line went dead.

I started up my laptop, logged onto Facebook and searched for John as I dialed Edward's number.

"Hello gorgeous." His velvety voice echoed through the phone.

"Hi ya handsome," I felt my smile crack hard against my cheeks.

He sighed into the phone, "I miss your face." Edward's voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"Oh baby, I miss yours too. So much." I replied and let out a sigh of my own.

"How is John? Taking good care of you?" He inquired.

"Actually, we had to depart the bus and got separated. But there's something I need to tell you about him first." I took a deep breath, unsure of what Edward's reaction would be.

"Okay, baby. Lay it on me, I think." He sounded apprehensive.

"I gave John permission to use our poem for a song." I said quietly and waited for his response.

There was a large intake of breath as I waited through the silence on the phone.

"Edward?"

"Bella, you let him use your poem?" His voice was soft and tentative.

"Yes?" I wasn't sure if I was answering or asking the question.

"Bella, that's amazing. Did he play it for you? Was it any good?" His voice was full of excitement.

I was a little thrown, not sure that this was exactly the reaction I was anticipating.

"Um, no, I wouldn't let him play it for me. He wanted to use it, so I said okay. Is that okay with you?" I asked waiting for him to finally agree or not.

"Bella, it's more than okay with me. It's the break that will force you to put your words out to the world. I've been trying to tell you this for years. I'm so fucking proud of you." He paused and sighed again. "I just wish I'd been there to hug you and hold you and celebrate that moment with you."

I smiled and held back my tears, "Soon my love, I can't wait to be wrapped in your arms again."

"Oh baby, you have no idea how badly I want to smother you in my arms." He cooed.

"So when does your flight get in?" I asked.

"Oh, well, we have another forty-five minutes in Memphis and then we'll fly into Chicago sometime later tonight."

"And things are going alright with you and Alice?" I asked trying not give anything away about his surprise.

"Yes, she's been on her phone a lot, apparently she's got some hot lead on something for school or housing or some shit. I don't know but she's been annoying the piss out of me." He laughed and I heard her smack him. "Ow, Alice."

"Edward, I can't wait to see you again. I have so much to tell you about. So much that I've learned." I relinquished.

"Baby, I'm so glad. I am so fucking proud of you, Bella. I know this was hard on both of us but I'll never regret you doing this. I've learned a lot, too. My dad and I had a long, long talk after you left. He wouldn't let me wallow in self-pity. He told me stories about when he met mom that I hadn't known before." His voice was soothing to me and wrapped his warmth around me.

There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted this man for the rest of my life. I had just gotten scared. We were so young and all my life I'd had to listen to my mother and her regrets. I wanted to know that I wasn't going to make the same ones and wind up bitter like her. But, the love that Edward and I shared was different.

We were different.

I knew that I was different.

I was so ready to pledge my love and life to this man. I wanted to be by Edward's side for the rest of my life. I wanted to be Mrs. Edward Cullen.

"Edward, I love you." I hoped he could hear the depth of my words through the phone.

"Isabella, there are no words for the depth of my love for you. Come home to me, soon?" He sounded so scared.

"Always, my love. I'll be home to you soon."

**A/n: A surprise EPOV is up next;)**


	14. Chapter 14 Longings

**Chapter 14 Longing**

**A/n: So this is a rare treat...as this is Bella's story and her journey, Edward felt the need to pipe in...**

When Bella told me she was leaving, I was terrified. My heart started to race like it would pound out of my chest and I broke out into a sweat all over.

Bella was my whole life. I've loved her since the moment I laid eyes on her. My heart beat for her and her alone.

But, after I calmed down and talked to my dad, I realized this was the best thing for the both of us. While we were fiercely in love and wanted to be together all the time, we did have a tendency to become co-dependent, as my dad pointed out.

My parents, Carlisle and Esme, had met in Jr. High and had been together all through school, as well. But what I hadn't known is that when they graduated from High School they had split up for almost six months. They spent the summer and first Fall semester of College apart and on opposite ends of the country.

My dad told me how he'd felt the need to try and see how he could live without my mother. Neither of them fared well and quickly made their way back to one another, were married a month later and six month later were pregnant with me.

I knew that this was a journey that Bella needed to make to be okay with the directions that our lives were headed. Her mother had brainwashed her whole life about young love being non-sense and how getting married to young could lead to a life of heartache and resentments.

While both Bella and I knew that our love was different, we were blind to the fact that we are still young with so much of our lives ahead of us.

I wasn't asking Bella to get married next month or even this year. I just wanted her to know that I was promising to be hers as we start College. Being from small town, Forks, Washington, we had lived a relatively sheltered life and moving to Chicago to go to school would be a huge change for both of us.

I just wanted to declare ourselves in what we wanted from our future.

But, I support her, even now, in her decision to go off and figure it all out for herself.

When she told me about meeting Uncle Bill I could hear the excitement in her voice, and I couldn't wait for her to tell me what she'd learned from him. And then John came along and it brought out the defensive and protective caveman side of me. I was worried he would try something with her and that shook me to my core.

Bella was mine. MINE.

I was the first to hold her hand. I was the first to kiss her. And if I have my way, we will lose our virginity to one another, and be the only lover the other ever knows.

I loved her beyond sanity.

Not only had this trip been good for her, it had been good for me, as well. I learned that I took a lot of things that Bella did for me, for granted.

Without her these past seventy-two I have felt lost.

I knew that her and Alice were planning something. I knew when Alice was up to something when she kept having secret phone conversations that ceased when I came within hearing range.

But, I would let them have their secret. I had a feeling it would only benefit me as well.

Speaking to Bella, finally, while she was in Starbucks, only reiterated to me the steps that I was ready to take once we were reunited.

I was ready to move forward in our relationship.

I had a plan. I just hope it worked out and that Alice would be willing to help me.


	15. Chapter 15 Our Beginning

Chapter 15 Our Beginning

A/n: So, this is it...the end of her journey...short, sweet...sad for me in a way. It's hard to believe that one simple sentence that I wrote as a comment one day took on such a life in my head that this story was born...but I've loved it.

It's sweet. It's a little fluff. It's a little angst. It was just a journey. One that I wished I'd had the guts to take 20 yrs ago.

Thanks for reading and reviewing and sticking with this little drabble ditty.

I dedicate this chapter to my twifey, lvtwilight09. She's been with me since the inception of this story. She's been my song and word guru. My technical helper. She's just the best friend a girl could ever have. LOVE YA BABE!

After I got back on the bus, the seat beside me remained empty. I wrote for a few hours, as inspiration about my journey was beating at my brain. Then I slept, well, I attempted to sleep as best as I could in the uncomfortable seat.

We pulled into Chicago around eight at night and once I got bags I texted Alice who confirmed all my plans were in place.

I would owe her big time for all that she's done for me in the past twenty-four hours.

I grabbed a cab and headed to the hotel. Once I got checked in and they gave me the bags waiting for me that Alice had had delivered I headed up to the room to shower and get things ready for Edward's arrival.

I only hoped that he would like what I had in mind.

I got up to the room, put my bags away after plugging in my cell phone and putting my ipod on the ihome and started it up.

I dumped the contents of Alice's purchases on the bed. I smiled, that girl thought of everything!

I quickly made my way to the bathroom to take a shower and wash away the grime from the past two days on a bus. I started the water, got the temperature just right and stepped in. The hot water felt sublime on my worn and weary body.

I went over and over what I had planned for tonight, in my mind.

I washed and conditioned my hair, shaved and scrubbed my skin thoroughly, got out and toweled off.

I pulled the midnight blue negligee off the bed and admired it before slipping the silk gown over my body. I pulled on the small scrap of fabric they called underwear and went about setting up the candles in the room.

I placed some items in the drawer beside the bed.

I set the ipod to mine and Edward's playlist and paused it.

I called room service and ordered some food and drinks.

The last thing I did was walk into the bathroom and retrieved the key necklace. I placed it on the center of the table in front of the couch. I wanted him to be the one to put it on me and I wanted him to see it waiting on him.

I only hoped he hadn't changed his mind.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was time for them to be arriving. My stomach was doing sommersaults in anticipation of seeing Edward again.

I could hear them arguing outside the door and I smiled. Alice was creating a reason to leave him here alone.

The door opened and there he was as I stood in the center of the room, his back was turned towards the room while he argued with Alice. He sighed, shrugged his shoulders and turned into the room, his eyes finally falling upon me.

"Bella?" He choked out and dropped all his bags in the door. He ran to me and scooped me up in his arms, his lips kissed every inch of skin on my face. "Baby?"

"Edward." I said before crashing my lips to his in the most passionate kiss we've ever shared.

He tightened his grip on me and pushed me back into a wall before pulling back, his eyes searching back and forth between mine.

"You're here? You are really here! God, I've missed you." Kiss. "So fucking much." Kiss. "I love you, Bella." Kiss. Tongue. Deep.

My hands went to his hair and our bodies intertwined as we fought to hold on to each other with a desperation I'd never felt before now.

"Edward," I said as we pulled back for a breath. "I love you, too, baby. So fucking much."

He stopped, unwrapped himself from around me and stepped back. His eyes roamed my body before settling back on my eyes. "Bella?" He questioned me with his eyes.

"Yes, Edward. I'm ready. You're ready. I love you. I want to be yours, in body, in name, in every way possible."

"Are you sure, Bella? Absolutely sure?" He said, his eyes dancing with hope.

"Yes, Edward. Positively sure." I nodded my head and stepped into him, putting my hands around his neck, pulled his head down, "I love you without reservation. You mean everything to me. I don't want to waste another day. Please say you'll still have me, in every way."

"Oh God, Bella. You really mean it, don't you?" He watched me nod my head as he dropped to his knees, pulled a little blue box from his pocket, "Marry me, Bella. I've loved you my whole life. You mean the world to me. You are the air I breath. You are the reason that my heart beats. You..." He couldn't hold back the tears from his eyes, "You are my life. I can't live another day without you."

He held the opened box up for me to see the ring nestled inside.

"Yes, Edward, yes, yes, yes." He stood and picked me up, kissing me deep, his tongue danced with mine as he walked us to the bed. He laid me down softly before stepping back and stripping down to his boxers, then crawled to hover over me.

"God Bella, I've never been so happy as I am in this moment." He lowered himself and put his weight on me, kissing me soft and full of passion.

He set my body and soul on fire.

"I love you, Edward." I whispered as he eased his body into mine.

"I love you, Bella." He said as we both gasped at the sensations we were experiencing.

We both cried as we made love for the first time.

We solidified our love, our future and lives in those quiet moments our eyes locked before we both shattered with our release.

We laid there, in the silence, whispering everything that we'd gone through, learned and thought for the past three days.

Just before we drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, I whispered, "Thank you for letting me learn how to fly."

"Thank you for using your wings to find your way home." He whispered in return.


End file.
